On Death and Dying
As I dove into the study of death and dying I thought of my experiential process up until this point and wondered what kind of deaths would occur this month. I have experienced many of my own small deaths in this life. I’ve lost innumerable animals and pets and sacrificed many aspects of my self and my life experience. Although I am still just 37 years young, I feel that I have been blessed by not having to say goodbye to too many people who are close and dear to my heart. There have been unexpected losses over the years; tragic deaths in high school car accidents and very sad and unfortunate over doses, suicides and accidents and although I had love for each of those souls, I was not connected to them at the time of their death. Until my mother in law was diagnosed with stage four cancer a few years ago I never had the experience of preparing for death.
My mother in law was a lovely woman. We grew close over the years and shared many hearty laughs. Her illness came on strong and unexpected. It seemed as though there was not enough time to say goodbye and prepare for her death but when it came she was ready. Even with the expectation and preparation for her death, the grief was still sudden, overwhelming and powerful. I have found that the grief doesn’t ever leave completely but instead transforms and absorbs into life and into the cells of my being as a sorrow that ebbs and flows.
About five years ago my mother in law’s sister who we called Auntie Laura celebrated her 70thbirthday. She had been battling cancer for years and the cousins thought that her birthday celebration would be a great way to get all the family together- possibly for the last time. It was a beautiful celebration for Auntie Laura. No one would have expected that it would be her sister, my mother in law, Barbara who would be the first to pass less that a year later. It wasn’t Auntie Laura’s time to go. She was an amazing support for my father in law after Barbara died. She called him every night and they spoke sometimes for hours and became the best of friends. Together they grieved, remembered and healed. Without Auntie Laura for him to talk to he would have had a much more lonely experience after his wife passed.
Just two weeks ago Auntie Laura passed on into the light. I had not seen her for quite some time and when I heard from my daughter that she had passed the grief came quickly and flowed through me. I reached out to her spirit and knew that she was happy and content to be with her sister and with Jesus. I am grateful to have learned more about conscious dying and the transition from this life into the light. The difficult part for me is the grief and bereavement in those who are left behind. How do you soothe a soul who is experiencing such a loss? Because of my inexperience with loss and death I still feel uncomfortable and uncertain in reaching out to those who are grieving. I assume that they don’t want any extra responsibilities in answering the calls to hear another “I am sorry for your loss”. I would like to learn how to express condolences without it feeling like an extra burden to those who are already in such pain. To be present with the dying is one thing, consoling those left behind is another.
I very much enjoy the birth process. The labor pains and small sacrifices we make while bringing another being into the world is quite beautiful to experience and to witness. To be able to birth another being with less struggle we have to let go of limitations and beliefs that hold us back. I imagine that preparing for death is similar. There is so much insistence to surrender, to let go, to heal. Each death is as unique as each birth and charged with the energy of the soul’s life lessons. As I prayed and connected to say my own goodbyes to Auntie Laura, far away from the rest of the family, I could see that her life was full of love and blessings and her death was the same. She taught me in that moment that life is for living to the fullest with an open heart and deep connection to God and that when your life is full in that way, your death can be as well.
In most indigenous cultures, assisting others in the death process so they are able to cross over into the light is of utmost importance to create balance in the culture, the soul and in the world. Many people are noticing the immense imbalance that is occurring because so many souls are passing on without being healed, witnessed, facilitated and allowed to pass fully and completely into the light. When this passage is incomplete, souls can become stuck with their baggage and unfinished business. Many of these souls are in incredible pain and when this energy is lingering and not able to move to the light it can affect our collective consciousness as a well as the well being of those left behind.
I recognize and acknowledge the importance of the responsibility to assist in this process for the healing of the individual and the world. It is an honor and privilege to assist in the death process as well as helping those spirits who have already passed but have been stuck and unable to move on into the light. We can assist others by thinning the veil between this physical life and the life beyond, helping to ease the transition. For those who have passed unexpectedly, our prayers, vigils and clearings can assist them in finding their way home. Death can come suddenly and of course there’s no way to prepare for that. The best we can do is live fully, openly and with love. Our compassionate full lives can be our best preparations for death.